What It Cost Me: Angelica's Adenomyosis Story
By Angelica Gosling
Adenomyosis often goes undiagnosed due to a poor awareness of the condition in both the medical and general community. This lack of recognition contributes to delays in diagnosis, and a great personal and financial cost to those affected by adenomyosis. Angelica Gosling has been experiencing the symptoms of adenomyosis since 14, but it wasn’t until last year that she finally received a diagnosis. As part of our April for Adeno Angelica shares her experience with living with adenomyosis. While her diagnosis and ongoing management has come at great cost, she also reflects on her newfound passion for raising awareness and supporting others with adenomyosis,
Adenomyosis, what an absolute bitch! This crippling illness has cost me many things, some of which I am able to manage and some I cannot. Since being diagnosed with Adenomyosis in February of 2020, I finally got the answers I had been looking for since I was a 14-year-old girl wondering what was wrong with me, while I was bleeding through my pants at school. This illness has cost me my physical health, my mental health; specifically anxiety and depression, financial factors, my confidence, the ability to control my emotions, my hormone levels, as well as the sacrifice of the cutest undies I owned …being ruined by blood, and lots of it at that. Just a heads up, bleeding through your tampon, onto your pad, and then onto your pants IS NOT NORMAL!
One of the major costs, has been my mental health. After my surgery my body needed to adapt to my Mirena, along with the added daily dose of progesterone, and oh boy was this a challenge. My moods were all over the place, I was crying constantly and not knowing why, I was feeling so sad and annoyed at my body for putting me through this. It got to the point where I made the decision to start an antidepressant, which meant I would now be taking six tablets each morning to manage this crippling son of a bitch illness. Sometimes I have moments where my body feels like a pharmaceutical dispenser. Since being on my antidepressants for almost over a year now, I am managing better with my mental health. However, in order to have stable mental health it has resulted at times, in loss of libido, which is not only frustrating for me as a young woman, but it also affects my partner as well. It can be so upsetting to be on so many medications to help with managing the illness, but it sucks experiencing all of these other issues alongside it.
The financial aspect of this disease is just shocking, like wowza $$$. I am currently a third-year university student, and the expenses that come along with having this illness which I did not ask for, is ridiculous. I am so thankful for having a supportive family who can help me out with these expenses, so the weight isn’t all on my shoulders. My prescriptions are endless, the chemist is my second home. I am constantly getting scripts re-filled for my medications, and these come with a cost as well. Everything adds up, thank God for private health, I guess.
My self-confidence has been significantly affected by being diagnosed with this disease. This is because of the weight gain I have noticed due to the insane amounts of hormones I have going on, as well as my body just LOVING being bloated and wants to do this all the time just to test me. I have moments of being the self-love queen and being all ‘yassssss girl’ and then I have moments where I hate looking at myself in the mirror. It is a love hate relationship. This is extremely difficult because I know I should be so grateful to be able to manage this condition to the best of my ability, however the way it affects my body is a constant battle. Some days I could not get out of bed, or I would be on placement and get insane stabs right up my vagina and I was like “FUCK, owww”.
On a lighter note, having this illness has helped me spread awareness to other people who are affected by similar illnesses, as well as people who may not know that these illnesses and diseases exist. I am so thankful to have such a supportive group of people around me as well as my family. I am forever grateful for them and the constant reassurance I am offered.
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