The Benefits of Counselling (Part Two)
By Amanda Grogan
WHAT
Counselling is the process that occurs when a client and counsellor set aside time, in order to explore difficulties which may include the stressful or emotional feelings of the client. It’s the act of helping you to see things more clearly, possibly from a different view-point. This can allow you to focus on feelings, experiences or behaviour, with a goal of positive change.
So what are some goals of the counsellor?
Improving the client’s ability to establish and maintain relationships
Facilitating behaviour change
Client Development
Enhancing the client’s effectiveness and ability to cope
Promoting the decision-making process and facilitating client potential
I think it’s important that you know these as your relationship with your counsellor is one where you work together. See how each of these goals are about the you – the client! Unlike some traditional medical roles, a counsellor is not holding the answers nor do they have power or authority over you.
INITIAL SESSION
Your initial, or first, session can sometimes be daunting. It’s normal to feel nervous or anxious about an appointment. Your counsellor shouldn’t start the session asking your straight away about your childhood or issues in your life – they should always make you feel at ease first, often making small talk about a book you’ve read, your journey to the office or your weekend activities. From there, there are three main elements to your first session.
Explaining the Counselling Process
Before your appointment you will be asked to fill out an intake or consent form. As well as your personal information it may ask you some initial questions like why you are seeking therapy. There will also be confidentiality and privacy information. You signing is giving consent, however it is also important for your counsellor to go through this with you for your first session. Informed consent is making sure you understand what it says and what you are signing.
Your counsellor should be answering your questions about their qualifications or approaches. This may happen before your first session or during and you should always feel like your counsellor is open and transparent in answering your questions. This can also be a great time to mention if you have had previous experience with a counsellor or therapist, particularly if it you didn’t enjoy the experience or had concerns.
It’s important to establish a relationship together - do you like and connect with your counsellor? Your relationship with your counsellor is like any positive relationship in your life – you should have a base connection with them. A good analogy is your teachers in school. You may absolutely love a subject and be interested in doing well but have a teacher you don’t gel with – this may make it harder to understand what is being taught, harder to focus on studying and demotivating. If you don’t like a teacher’s style it doesn’t mean they are bad at teaching or a bad person – there just may not be a connection to them or their style might not be for you. A counsellor is the same – perhaps they have a monotone voice that bores you, or you feel they are too cheerful or too direct. It’s okay if there is no connection – let them know after your first session or two and ask their help to find another counsellor that might suit you and your needs better.
Understanding your Story
Particularly in your first session you may notice your counsellor making a lot of notes – for some people this can be daunting. It’s important for your counsellor so they can really understand you as a unique individual – it also helps them later when they are working on what treatment or counselling approach may work best with you. In this initial session your counsellor will want to understand your story which means:
Asking questions about your family + relationships
Learning about what bought you to counselling
Learning about your life so far
Asking questions about your interests, job + Daily life
Goal Setting
You may have a clear idea of why you are seeking counselling or a goal you want to work on – we explored some of those whys earlier. Your counsellor should be asking you about what you want out of counselling.
Alternatively, goal setting may be something that your counsellor discusses and helps you set after hearing and understanding your story.
Counsellors will often repeat back to you or summarise what you have told them – this is to make sure they have understood you well and are on the same page. It’s okay if they haven’t summarized quite right – you can always clarify or further explain yourself (although if this is happening repeatedly after a few sessions, it may be a sign your counsellor isn’t the best fit for you). Generally at the end of your first session, your counsellor will summarize to you, to ensure they have understood your story and goals for therapy.
After your initial session here are some questions you should be asking yourself. A great way to do this could be going for a walk in the park or at the beach or journaling and writing down your thoughts. Something that encourages you to relax and reflect.
Do I feel comfortable?
Am I able to talk freely about deeply personal thoughts and emotions?
Is the counsellor paying attention to me?
Do I feel they understand and respect me?
Has the counsellor discussed a plan with me about how we will manage my issues or concerns?
RED FLAGS
A red flag is a little or big sign that something is not quite right – or in this case, that a counsellor is not a right fit for you. If you regularly notice your counsellor doing these things it could be a red flag. In other circumstances, it may just be one time that they do it but it doesn’t feel right for you – and that is still a red flag.
You feel judged, shamed or unsafe
Getting emotionally involved with the client It’s not appropriate for your counsellor to be befriending you, seeing you outside of sessions, offering you somewhere to live or offering you money. They can support you in accessing services who provide these things, but it’s not their job to provide
Flirting or sexually involved with the client is never okay.
Looking at a client's problems from their own perspective, based on their own value system. They encourage you to behave in a way in which they behaved when confronted with a similar problem in their own life EG if you were in an open relationship but their values are monogamy
Oversharing; sometimes a counsellor may self disclose where appropriate, but they should never be telling you their problems or oversharing their lives or stories, therapy is about you!
Appearing distracted/bored/not listening Your counsellor shouldn’t take text messages or phone calls and be distracted.
Asking details of a sexual assault, abuse or trauma. For some people, reliving and talking about these experiences can make them relive them and have a negative effect. For other people it is important for them to talk about it for their healing. Your counsellor should understand trauma informed care and never ask you for details, instead create a safe space where you can bring up and explore those details if you choose
You regularly feel worse after a session. In your initial sessions you can often feel a sense of relief when speaking to your counsellor - and this is a great thing. As this relationship strengthens, and the sessions continue, you being to explore your issues and experiences – sometimes this can bring up intense negative emotions and painful memories.. This is normal in counselling and you can feel bad after a session. However as you continue your therapy you will start to feel better. Unlike medication that takes the edge off symptoms right away, therapy provides powerful long-term benefits and symptom reduction. Depending on the severity of your issues or mental health condition, it might take weeks or months to feel significantly better. A great analogy is organizing a packed garage or closet - when you start pulling stuff out it's easy to feel overwhelmed by the clutter and sheer volume of material. If you leave it now, you're stuck with a big mess on your hands. But if you push through, you'll see gradual progress and eventually a more organized space. This is like what is happening in your mind.- If you don’t start to see this break through and you continue feeling bad after every therapist session, this can be a red flag.
They give advice or they attempt to sort out your problems. EG If you tell your counsellor about an issue with a partner and they advice you to break up with them – that is a red flag! Instead they should be exploring emotions, thoughts and options with you so you can make your own decision.
COUNSELLING APPROACHES
There are many different counselling approaches – some you may heard of more frequently like CBT therapy or art therapy and others might be unheard of for you like Gestalt therapy or Gottman method.
A counselor’s approach is a reflection of his/her training and coaching philosophy. This is why it is important to discuss with your counsellor if you have tried other therapy or styles before and whether or not you’ve found them beneficial. Your counsellor should also be willing to adjust their approach if it doesn’t suit or isn’t working. If they specialize in just one type of approach, they then may refer you to another counsellor.
There are three main categories/umbrellas of therapy approaches
Behavioural Focus on cognitions and behaviours. Behavioural Therapies are based on the way you think and/or the way you behave. These therapies recognise that it is possible to change or recondition our thoughts or behaviour to overcome specific problems.
Humanistic Focus on self-development, growth and responsibilities. They seek to help you recognise your strengths, creativity and choice in the 'here and now'.
Psychoanalytic/Psychodynamic Focus on the unconscious relationship patterns that evolved from childhood. Based on your unconscious thoughts and perceptions that have developed throughout childhood, and how these affect your current behaviour and thoughts.
Let’s look at an example!
Lina is 20 years old and she is seeking counselling to help with her quality of life due to painful periods. Lina’s mother had painful periods and never empathized with Lina when she was struggling to attend her classes in highschool, telling her that this is a woman’s duty and burden. Lina started looking for answers to her pain by speaking to her GP. Her GP dismissed her story, saying it was normal to having cramping during your period. Lina didn’t think she was important enough to get more help and stopped talking about her pain to her family and doctor and suffered silently every month.
If Lina’s counsellor was to take a Behavioural Approach they could explore Lina’s thoughts about herself and her pain and how they effect her actions. What thoughts did Lina have after her talk with her GP? How did that influence her action to stop talking about her pain?
With a Humanistic Approach they could explore Lina’s strength that she reached out initially for help from her GP. How can Lina be supported to self advocate and seek further help? What self development does Lina need work on, to build her self esteem?
And if a Psychoanalystical/Psychodynamic was taken - what influence did Lina’s mother’s messages have on Lina? What experiences did Lina have in childhood that she might be reliving now?
Earlier we spoke about your initial session with your counsellor. Part of their responsibility is to explain the counselling process including what approaches they use. This may be stated on their website or when you book the appointment – for example they might say ‘I am a CBT therapist so focus on Behavioural Approaches’.
Or this may be something they discuss after they’ve heard your story and you’ve discussed goals together. As we can see from Lina, we could take any three of the main approaches for her – but it would come down to Lina’s story and goals whether a counsellor chooses Behavioural, Humanistic or Psychoanalytical. They may even use a mix of two or all three.
Stay connected to our QENDO socials to see when the final Part 3 is released where we discuss the ‘WHERE’ and ‘WHEN’ section on Benefits of Counselling. In the meantime visit the website to find out about QENDO’s new Counselling Services with Amanda.
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