Ash's Journey to Baby Two
By Ash Webb
For Endometriosis Awareness Month, QENDO has been shining a light on the often unspoken costs of endometriosis, both financial and personal, bringing attention to the many stories within the endometriosis community. The personal cost of an infertility diagnosis associated with endometriosis, and the often co-occurring conditions of either adenomyosis or PCOS, is all too real, and one that needs to be spoken about. QENDO Treasurer, and Darling Downs/Women’s Health Expo Facilitator Ash Webb shares her experience with infertility and the emotional journey to baby number two. Ash shares her story in the hopes that others experiencing infertility know they have a support network in QENDO and the TTC community - a support that she has found invaluable during this time.
CW: This post covers pregnancy, IVF and infertility. If you’re currently struggling with any of these subjects and any of these may be triggering for you, you may need to revisit this post at another time and reach out to your support network.
Infertility is discovering a strength you didn’t know you had.
I have always wanted to be a mother, so when we had our first son in 2017, Fletcher, I thought all my dreams had come true. He was everything I wanted or needed in a Son - and actually still is.
To give a little insight of my feelings, I posted the following to my personal Facebook page on Boxing Day 2018.
I’m feeling a bit emotional after a busy, but amazing Christmas and Boxing Day. Last year we had a little baby, this year we had a little toddler. Next year, he’ll be a big toddler. But I’m a little lost and upset. People keep telling me “it’s time for another baby” but it is honestly not that simple. And quite frankly, everyone knows my fertility and health is not great due to endometriosis. Which makes it harder, “just have another baby and “it” will be fine,” is something else people tell me. Well “it” wasn’t fine after the first, what makes you think after the second will be better? Being a Mum is hard enough without adding the expectation of carrying a second child. Our dream of expanding our family is within reach, hopefully 2019 will be a great year and will fulfil our hopes and dreams. So please remember before the comments and questions asking when we’re going to have a sibling for Fletch, please remember this status. Thank you all for your understanding, love and the endless support.
We spent all of 2019 trying for our next little bundle of joy, even having a laparoscopy to try work out what was going on, trying to find answers to why I wasn’t falling pregnant. I was doing everything I could possibly do! Cycle and temperature tracking, ovulation tests, noting cervical fluid and the list goes on. At that point I was using about 3-4 tracking apps to try and work out when the best time to have baby making fun with my husband Andrew. Answers from my lap said only old endo and now a diagnosis of PCOS, we knew we couldn’t do this on our own.
December 2019 saw us signing paperwork to begin IVF.
Sitting in the car after signing the contract, being talked through the whole process had my head in a spin, an exciting spin! One thing I will always remember from that day is Andrew turning to me, and saying “So, I have to jizz in a cup?!” I looked at him with annoyance! We’d just had a 45 minute appointment with the nurse to discuss how the whole process worked and everything I had to go through, and here he is, complaining about that!?
After leaving the Clinic in Brisbane (we opted to go to a Brisbane Clinic instead of a Toowoomba Clinic where we live for a whole heap of reasons!) I messaged a few people who I knew had been through IVF and asked them a million and one questions, I realised then that this would be my new support network.
January 2020 came around and it was time for our first injection. I hyped myself so much and managed to inject the needle myself. Andrew was no help, he is legit terrified of needles (like passes out at the doctors!), so he was there as more emotional support, whilst looking the other way while I injected.
The first needle was definitely the hardest. From there, the days that followed were quite easy. The only time I got worked up was when it was a new medication and I was unsure of the side effects or if the needle would sting (which I was warned quite a few would…)
When you get to experience everything for the first time, you take in absolutely everything, get lost with all the details and confuse yourself and compare to other IVF Warriors. Once I caught myself comparing myself, I stopped. Just like that. Everyone’s journey is so different, and unique there is no need to compare or “compete.”
Egg collection went down without a hitch, then we waited for transfer, it was easier than I could have ever imagined. I was a little worried and overwhelmed about having the speculum inserted but I remembered my breathing tools and it was all good.
Then the two week wait. I’m sure it was longer than two weeks. You try to keep yourself as busy as possible. Try to keep your mind focused on other things. But it is SO HARD not to focus on your little embryo. Hoping it sticks to your lining, hoping you haven’t gone overboard in the garden, or hoping you haven’t started stressing at work for no reason. Your hormones are all over the place, every little thing either made me extremely happy or angry, there was no inbetween (sorry Andrew and my work colleagues!)
The night before I had my two week blood test, I did what most people do - I peed on a stick. I didn’t want to find out if I was pregnant or not over a phone call. Then only one line appeared, I cried. No, I bawled my eyes out. I was so hopeful that we’d only need the one cycle, but alas, it didn’t look like good news, and two days later the blood test and my period confirmed it wasn’t going to be as easy as I’d hoped.
We continued IVF for another four cycles.
Wow.
So we’ve now got five cycles under our belt. The hormones were starting to take a toll and my mental health had taken a beating. I am so unbelievably lucky I had Andrew, my QENDO support system, my family, colleagues and my Instagram following, all helping and supporting where and when I needed it.
It was time to transfer one of our frozen embryos. Andrew and I discussed that if this one didn’t want to hold on that we would take a break. My mental and physical health needed a break, and looking back I think our relationship did too.
With that in mind, Andrew, Fletcher and I jumped into the car and headed down to Brisbane. I kissed my boys goodbye and said the next time I see them I’d have a baby on board.
And I did.
I didn’t test early. I again tested the night before my two week blood test. Except this time, two lines, one was faint but it was there - but it was there. I was actually pregnant. This little embryo wanted to stick around. It wanted to become Fletcher’s sibling and our miracle baby. It held on.
I felt like I had done something incredible, that a woman’s body should do naturally. For a brief moment, I had forgotten everything it had taken to get to this point.
Andrew wasn’t home from work yet so I waited patiently. I was on the couch when he got home, I gave Fletcher the pregnancy test and asked him to give it to Daddy. He did and I couldn’t help but run over and give Andrew the biggest cuddle, WE DID IT!
My next message was to my OBGYN, who was so excited and I said I’d get the pathology lab to send her the results as well.
I went for my blood test and the very next day we got our congratulations phone call from the IVF Clinic, it was such an amazing time.
A few weeks later we told most of my family and close friends that we were expecting. To see the excitement in their faces showed how much our journey made them happy as well.
Mid November 2020 we shared our news with our friends and community across Facebook and Instagram. So many happy tears as the comments, messages and phone calls came through.
I wrote on Facebook Boxing Day 2020:
2019 may not have delivered our much wanted baby. But 2021 definitely will and I cannot be more excited that our family is expanding to 4. 💙💙💙💙
We’ve been given an Estimated Due Date of the 22nd May 2021.
Every day that goes past, we are so thankful for the technology that has brought us our little babe. Although it hasn’t been a smooth sailing pregnancy (like Fletcher’s was!), I am still so blessed to have this little baby growing, and for our family to be complete.
Sending all my IVF Warriors luck, strength and hope. You are not alone in your journey. Remember many of the QENDO Team are currently going through IVF and are more than happy to lend an ear, or shoulder to help support you in any way.
All of my love,
Ash.
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