Growing Up with Endo by Samantha Prenter
The truth I kept from my mum, as a young child with endometriosis.
I'm currently 28 years old, I was so young when I got my first period and I knew something wasn't right, from the very beginning...
My parents had never spoken to me about periods.
I had no idea what they were, who got them, what to expect, how to deal with them. Nothing.
I remember being so scared, wondering why I was bleeding.
All mum said to me was: "it's normal" and gave me some little liners.
I was so young, so she assumed that "liners" were all I needed.
She never taught me how to use them. So, for years I didn't even realise you could peel the back off & stick them to your underwear, to keep them in place. As an adult, you'd think it would be "common sense". But "we do not know, what we do not know". I was young, uneducated about periods and overwhelmed already. So, I had to deal with the embarrassment of having sanitary liners sliding down my stockings at school.
But that was the least of my worries...
In many families, there is no open lines of communication around periods. The impact this can have on a young girl, is life changing...
I was never shown the different options of sanitary products that are available, or visually shown how much blood/fluid a liner could hold.
I was expected to trust these foreign new products, that I had never seen in my life and knew nothing about.
So, when I started bleeding heavily, I would scrunch up extra toilet paper and sit that in my underwear to protect myself. Replacing it all day.
I got in trouble at a friend's house once "for wasting a whole roll of toilet paper, in one afternoon". I felt too ashamed to explain why I use so much toilet paper. I knew I was different, but I didn't know why. I felt guilty that I didn't understand liners, periods, bleeding etc.
None of this was my fault, but I didn't know that at the time.
We went to Fiji in intermediate, this was the longest I had ever been away from my mum. The first place we stayed; our entire class shared a big dormitory of bunk beds. With one toilet for us all.
While everyone was out swimming (my FAVOURITE thing to do), I was replacing the scrunched-up toilet paper from my underwear...
I desperately wanted to join everyone else, snorkelling in the beautiful Fiji waters. But instead, I was busy dealing with what I felt was "a secret".
Not knowing that the toilets & pipes were different in Fiji, it got blocked up. Oh no! I was consumed with fear...
After I got through that incident, I was so nauseous from all the pain and mentally exhausted from the bourdon I was carrying on my own.
At this stage we didn't know I had endometriosis, but I had figured out a few food groups that made my symptoms worse.
So, while on this school trip in Fiji, I mainly ate fruit, cereal and other lighter foods. My mum knew I was a light eater, but she was all the way home in NZ. The teacher yelled at me, in front of the entire class and restaurant. Threatening to send me home, on the next plane to NZ, if I didn't stop being "silly and eat properly".
So, while everyone enjoyed their dinner and dessert together, I went and curled up on the toilet floor of the Fiji Restaurant. In pain, nauseous, embarrassed, feeling alone, vulnerable, scared...
A parent helper came in and further pressured me to "just go eat the steak to avoid getting yelled at again, or sent home"...
I knew red meat made my pains worse, but I didn't feel safe to speak about any of this. Because the adults on this trip, were not providing a safe space for me to speak. The school refused to let me contact my parents back home in NZ. My dad didn't find out about this whole incident, until I read him this story now, 20 years later.
During our free time in FIji, I was having showers, to clean up the blood. While in the shower, the teacher came into our bedroom. She yelled at me to get out of the bathroom "now" and go play with the other children.
Inside my mind, I was screaming how much I wanted to be like everyone else. But unfortunately, that wasn't my reality.
This teacher, she didn't once ask if I was ok or if I needed any help.
I just wanted to enjoy my first ever trip overseas. And boy was this anything but.
It could have been enjoyable, if the adults had of just let me do what I needed to do.
Without feeling the need to call me out in-front of large groups of people, threatening and embarassing me.
If they showed some empathy, care, understanding instead.
If the adults/teachers from that school trip are reading this now - I hope you can understand how much of an impact your words and actions can have on a child's life & never treat another little girl that way ever again.
Over the years, mum ended up taking me to see doctors about my debilitating sharp pains.
The doctors would say "its normal to get period cramps, it's part of being a woman".
Little did we know, this was actually SO incorrect...
Yes, it is normal to experience cramping. But the sharp, chronic pains and excessive heavy bleeding, migraines, bowel issues, etc - was NOT "normal".
The doctors took my appendix out, but that didn't fix anything.
Because that was not the issue.
Endometriosis was very unheard of 20 years ago, and today it is still very misunderstood.
Teachers/doctors/adults in my life started to make me doubt myself. Doubt my reality, my feelings.
Which caused me to hide even more, about things that I was living with and going through.
No adult in my life, ever picked up that something was wrong.
Which made me feel even more alone.
ONE person, could have changed my life.
I just needed ONE person to see what was going on, to validate my feelings, my experiences.
ONE person, to see what I needed.
ONE person to make me feel not alone.
That one person, ended up being ME.
Years later, in my adult years. After my mum passed away, I then decided to become my own advocate...
I started validating myself. I started trusting my intuition around food. Started standing up for myself with doctors. Searched until I found a specialized doctor, trained in women's health. I stopped accepting the de-validating lines from GP's. I spoke out about my truth. Found other women who also felt alone. Educated my daughter. Did everything I could, to make a difference.
So, that my daughter, never has to go through what I did.
My daughter is now 8 and coming up to the age where it all started for me.
We now live a mostly plant-based lifestyle. Cutting out common inflammatory/allergen foods such as dairy, meat, gluten, artificial colours/flavours/sweeteners, alchol, refined sugar. Going natural and organic where possible. Eating legumes, vegetables, fruit, nuts, seeds, grains. We cook big delicious meals, bake yummy treats. We certainly do not miss out.
She has grown up with a child friendly narration of what a period is and who gets them. She knows the difference between a normal period and endometriosis. She has seen my big overnight pads, re-usable pads, cups, tampons, liners, period undies, everything.
She knows she has the freedom to ask me questions, whenever she is curious.
Although she doesn't want to get a period, she is at peace with the possibility of her getting it any time from now, until she is an adult. While understanding some women never get them too.
She is self-aware of what foods upset her tummy, mind and skin. She is given some freedom to explore those foods, to understand and make her own decisions. With my support and guidance.
If you are an adult with a young girl in your life, it is important to empower her.
If you are a guardian to a young girl, its also important to educate and prepare her too.
If she gets her period at school, and you aren't there with her... She deserves to feel safe and equipped, to deal with it to the best of her ability.
My girl will have a "period pack" in her school bag soon.
With not only a clean change of underwear and pants. But different sanitary options, that we have discussed together.
Even though she has said she will only want to use pads, I will still allow her the privacy and freedom to explore a few different products.
Such as the period underwear, while she's little.
Its important to empower our girls to find what is comfortable and works for them. If pads don't work and she feels to embarrassed to speak out about it, ensure she has other options readily available to her.
Our girls need to have an adult they can trust. Someone they can speak to about anything that they are experiencing. With no judgement, shame, or any negative emptions attached.
Our girls deserve and NEED to be heard, feel understood and feel cared about.
WE need to provide our girls this safe space.
WE need to make a change, but first, WE need to BE the change.
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